


One More Dawn

by RageQuit



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombies, Implied Geoff/Jack, M/M, Mental Instability, Night Terrors, Suicide, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-09 17:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3258290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RageQuit/pseuds/RageQuit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The infection had begun in Pennsylvania, or at least that’s what the news said. There were a lot of speculations that it had come straight out of D.C. That the government was working on something and it accidentally got loose. For a while, people didn't believe that there was actually a sort of zombie apocalypse spreading through the country. They assumed it was a sort of War of the Worlds thing. And then they bombed New York.</p>
<p>-Achievement Hunter Zombie AU-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. They Tear Your Hope Apart

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first published AH fanfiction. God, I hope it turns out well. This isn't really based on any particular apocalypse game/story/book/whatever. I just watched them playing 7 Days to Die and really wanted to write this. Even if it's nothing like that game at all. Eh.

Geoff sighed and stretched one leg out in front of him, propping his shotgun up on his other knee. He lightly hit his head against the wall behind him in an attempt to keep himself awake. It was probably somewhere around 4 AM. He should’ve woken Ryan up to take the next watch ten minutes ago, but his friends were all so tired. He decided he was going to just keep watch until morning. 

He glanced around at his friends, and sighed again. Ryan was pressed against the wall opposite him, on his side and very stiff. Jack was lying on his back with one arm draped over his face. The Lads, however, were completely tangled up in one another. Ray was curled in a tiny ball, his back pressed up to Gavin’s chest. Gavin had draped his arm over the Puerto Rican and had tangled his legs with Michael’s, who was on the other side of Ray with his arm draped around both him and Gavin. They were both so protective of the youngest boy and Geoff couldn't help but smile sadly.

The infection had begun in Pennsylvania, or at least that’s what the news said. There were a lot of speculations that it had come straight out of D.C. That the government was working on something and it accidentally got loose. For a while, people didn't believe that there was actually a sort of zombie apocalypse spreading through the country. They assumed it was a sort of _War of the Worlds_ thing. And then they bombed New York. 

Suddenly everything hit home. Especially for Ray. Geoff hated to see the poor lad so destroyed. It was after that that he scooped up his five friends and took off. He didn't have a goal in mind other than keep his boys alive. For three days they trudged along with the others trying to escape the city, all crammed in Geoff’s car. They’d barely made it out of Austin when they’d first spotted an infected. 

***

_“What the hell…?” Michael mumbled, staring out the window of the back seat at a body shambling along the side of the backroad Geoff had taken. “Gav, look.” He drew the lad’s attention to where he was pointing. “You think…?”_

_Geoff nearly swerved off the road as Gavin screamed. He slammed on the brakes and whipped around in his seat, already swearing at the boy. He was just about to scold him when three very pale-faced Lads came into view. Just to their right, a hoard was shuffling towards them. “Shit.” He stepped on the gas and glanced at the two Gents beside him, who were just as pale as the three in the back but were staring ahead, mouths open. When Geoff looked forward again he found more of the hoard in front of them. He again slammed the brakes and switched the car off. “Get out. Get out, get out, get out!”_

_The six piled out of the car and followed Geoff to the nearest house. He reared back and kicked the door in, ushering them inside, where they barricaded the doors and waited the night out in fear._

_The next morning, when the coast was clear they slowly filed outside only to find Geoff’s car absolutely wrecked. They managed to pull out the weapons and bags they’d left in the trunk, but anything they’d left inside was completely inaccessible. Fortunately that was mostly just their phones, which were long dead anyway, and a bit of food that Gavin had been munching on._

_And, from there, they walked._

***

“Geoff?” The voice shot the man out of his thoughts and up to his feet, suddenly finding himself staring down the length of the gun at Ryan. Both men paused as Gavin let out a tiny moan and shifted slightly. “You never woke me up.” Ryan whispered as Geoff lowered the gun. 

“You needed sleep.” He waved his hand dismissively. 

“So do you.” Ryan folded his arms and hunched in on himself and touched Geoff’s arm. “I know you want us to be safe but you can’t wear yourself out.” He nudged at him. “Go sleep.” He pushed the older man out of his spot, toward where he’d been sleeping. Grumbling in protest, Geoff laid down and fell asleep immediately. 

A few hours later everyone, including a very guilty Ryan, was woken up by hysterical laughter coming from the pile of Lads. Gavin was sitting up with his head in his hands, apparently trying to muffle his laugh. After poking him a bit, Ray began shaking him lightly in an attempt to get him to come down. 

“Gav, Jesus Christ.” Michael stared at him. “You’re losing your mind.

“It… it’s just… I just…” Gavin gasped for breath. “Micool, he.. he…” The lad burst into another fit of giggles. After a bit more shaking and some gentle persuasion from Michael’s death glare he took a deep breath to calm himself. “He was talking in his sleep. He called Ray a soupy toaster muffin!” He burst out laughing again and fell back onto the floor, dragging a small smile out of the soupy toaster muffin, and causing Michael’s face to turn bright red. 

As the Lads sat in the corner, losing their shit, Ryan scooted his way over to the other two Gents. “So what’s the plan?”

“Keep walking. Don’t die.” Geoff murmured, trying to squeeze everything he could out of the last 2% of his phone charge. 

Ryan nodded thoughtfully and turned to Jack. “Any other plan?” 

Jack shrugged and winced as Gavin let out a squeal before being tackled by Michael and shushed by Geoff. “We just need to keep going until we can find some sort of quarantined area. He’s been trying to figure out where one would be but not many people have any way to share information.” 

Ryan was about to answer when Geoff let out a string of curses as his phone turned black. “We've got to find some place that still has electricity.” He stood up and looked out the window of the small shed. 

“Did you bring a charger?” Gavin looked around Michael, who was sitting on his chest. 

“Of course I did. Get up. We’re headed out.” 

~*~*~*~

The boys walked for hours, occasionally spotting one of two of the infected but never running into any problem except the persistent boredom. After the first few days Gavin had wound up annoying himself with how much he talked and no one else bothered to try so their journey mostly consisted of the occasional comment and the crunch of ground beneath their feet. 

But he was about to go mental. Gavin could hardly stand the silence and finally piped up. “Okay, Micool.” He looked to the man on his right who gave him a curious look back. “Would you let a zombie lick you for $500?”

“They’re not zombie’s, Gav.” 

“Yeah, but they pretty much are. It’s not like they care what we call them.” He waved his hand. “But would you?”

“At this point I’d let him fuck my ass just for a Redbull.” He got a few snickers from the Gents, which rekindled Gavin’s spirit enough to ask more questions which eventually led to a full scale debate between him and Ryan over which of them would be the most likely to be struck by lightning. 

“... Look, I’m just saying, it doesn't matter if you've shuffled in your socks for an hour, it’s not going to make you more likely to be hit by lightning!” Ryan groaned.

“No, no, no. ‘Cause, like, the static in your socks, it travels up your body and then since lightning is just like a static--” He was cut short by the sound of a body hitting the ground behind him. Everyone whirled around to find Ray in a little heap, passed out on the pavement. 

Geoff hung back as Ryan and the other Lads rushed to his aid. He flinched slightly when Jack touched his arm. “We've got to stop, Geoff.” He said quietly. “They need rest, we can’t keep going like this. We've been walking all day.”

“Once we get somewhere that has--”

“No. Once we find somewhere safe.” Jack said firmly. “I know you’re just trying to get us out of here but you’re going about this all wrong.” He looked over to Ray, who was now awake and propped up on his elbows, weakly swatting at the three surrounding him. “Look at them, Geoff. They aren’t going to make it much longer. We’re all going to start dropping like flies.” 

“I need to charge my phone.” 

“You need to keep those boys safe. We’re stopping at the next place we can and we’re just going to hole up for a few days. We all need it.” 

Geoff blinked at his friend before sighing in defeat. “All right, boys.” He turned his attention to the rest of the group. “Keep a lookout for some place we can stop.”


	2. There's Gonna Be Hell To Pay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, thanks to everyone actually paying attention to this~ I'm trying to stay two chapters ahead of what I'm posting so I should be posting pretty frequently, even if something happens and I can't write for a while.

Geoff frowned at the small home they’d spotted in the middle of nowhere. It was one floor and barely had four rooms total. “It’ll do.” He dropped his bag onto one of the chairs in the main room. He walked into the kitchen and began opening cupboards and drawers, only finding a few cans of food to bring back. “We’re going to have to work on getting more stuff.” He held up a can of green beans.

“Hey, those go great on salads.” Ray finally spoke from his spot on the couch. Michael gave a small snort of laughter, but the others just stared at him in confusion. “Family Feud? Right? Never mind.” He nestled back into the corner of the couch and folded his arms, resigning himself to silence again. 

Gavin dropped the floor beside the couch and leaned against Ray’s legs, staring up at Geoff. “So, we should have a plan?” 

“Yeah, we should. Do we? Nah.” Michael flopped into a chair and crossed his legs under him. 

“I guess head to California? There’s bound to be a safe zone there.” Geoff murmured, pulling out his phone, then immediately remembering it was dead. “But for right now, we just need to relax.” He shrugged.

The group quickly settled into the abandoned home, dropping their bags in random places and claiming spots to sit. Ryan happened to choose the couch next to the silent Ray. He nudged him softly and grinned at him. “I wasn’t in that Let’s Play, you know. You can’t blame me.” 

Ray rolled his eyes and waved his hand. “I’m surprised anyone got it.” He paused for a moment. “Thanks, by the way. For carrying me, I mean.” 

“You weigh like six pounds. It wasn’t a big deal.” He grinned, watching Gavin try to crawl into the chair with Michael who begrudgingly allowed it. 

“You know, Geoff.” Jack’s voice interrupted their little conversation. “I saw a convenience store just back there a little ways. It looked like it was pretty well stocked still.”

“No.” Geoff answered quickly. “Those places are crawling with infected.”

Michael looked around the Gavin in his lap. “How do you know?”

The Gent waved his dead phone. “Everyone said they’re always lurking in the stores.”

“But if we can get food, don’t you think--”

“We can get by.”

Jack sighed and gave in, sliding into the loveseat next to Geoff. 

“You should eat more, you know.” Ryan’s attention turned back to Ray as Gavin and Michael started a very loud argument over some stupid thing or other.

“I don’t really feel like eating.” The boy folded his arms tight against him. 

Ryan turned his body to face the lad, dragging one leg up onto the couch. “What do you feel like?”

“Like being sick, mostly.” The boy drew both legs up to his chest. “Every minute I think about it. And I can’t cry anymore. I can’t do anything. Every time I open my mouth I feel like I’m about to puke.”

“That’s why you haven’t been talking.” Ray nodded. 

“I lost everyone.” He hid his face in his knees until Ryan pulled him closer.

“You didn’t lose everyone. You’ve got us. You’ve got me.” He gave Ray a lopsided grin. The kid answered by uncurling and, ignoring the fact that Gavin and Michael would happily think the worst, hugging him tightly.

Hours later, after they’d eaten a bit and gotten comfortable, the group started to fall asleep. Michael was curled into a ball on the recliner, Geoff picked the loveseat, Gavin had been kicked off of Michael’s lap and was now sleeping on the floor below him, Ryan had fallen asleep sitting up on the couch with Ray’s head in his lap, leaving Jack posted at the door as watch. 

~*~*~*~ 

Geoff was startled awake by a door banging open. He instinctively grabbed his gun and aimed, finding himself staring at Ryan. The younger Gent, however, wasn’t staring back. He was wildly flicking his eyes around the room and breathing hard. 

“Geoff… Geoff we made a mistake… Geoff, oh, God we fucked up. Oh, _God, Geoff_!” Ryan fidgeted with his hands as the Lads began to stir. 

“Whoa, whoa man. Who made a mistake? What’s going on?” Geoff held up both hands, trying to calm his friend down.

Ryan’s hands began to tremble and he backed into a wall. “Jack! Jack… Oh, God, Jack…” 

Suddenly Geoff’s concerned demeanor changed and he grabbed hold of Ryan’s collar. “What happened to Jack?”

“Oh, God. Oh, God.” Michael and Ray were now wide awake. 

“Ryan! What. Happened. To. Jack?!” Geoff shouted, fully rousing Gavin. When Ryan only stammered Geoff reeled back and slapped him. “WHAT HAPPENED TO JACK?!”

“It’s my fault.” Ryan whispered before sinking to the floor, not bothering to hide the tears that spilled over. “He… He woke me up… Told me to keep watch… He was going to sneak down to the store… Get us some food… But he didn’t come back… Didn’t come back…” Ray quietly moved from the couch to peel Geoff’s hands away from Ryan’s collar and knelt in front of him. Ryan gasped for a breath, staring at Ray now. “I went to go look for him…”

“Didn’t bother to wake up anyone else to keep watch.” Geoff growled and Gavin immediately shot to his feet to pull him backwards into another room, glaring at him. 

Ryan didn’t pay attention. “I got to the store, Ray…” He whispered as though he were only telling the story to the Hispanic boy. “I could see in the window… They were everywhere and Jack was… Was trying to fight them off… I saw it all, Ray… I saw them kill him… I didn’t even help… I just ran…” His voice was getting quieter with each word until Ray was the only one who could hear him at all. He sat there, gasping and shaking for a minute until the lad touched a gentle hand to his cheek. 

“It wasn’t your fault.” He whispered. When Ryan tried to argue he quickly cut him off. “It wasn’t your fault that you let him go. It wasn’t your fault that you didn’t go with him.”

“I could’ve saved--”

“No you couldn’t have.” Ray cupped the man’s cheeks with both hands. “Ryan, if you’d gone in there, you’d be dead too.” 

***

“What the bloody hell are you doing?” Gavin whispered, trying to keep the others from hearing.

“What do you mean ‘what am I doing’?!” Geoff hissed back.

He sighed and crossed his arms. “Ryan’s clearly devastated--”

“And you think I’m not?!”

“Geoff, please. It’s not his fault!”

“It is his fault! He shouldn’t have let Jack leave! That was our rule: Stick together!”

“I know, Geoff, but Jack was just trying to help us. You wouldn’t let him go to the store earlier.”

“Why the fuck was that, Gavin?!”

“Please be quiet, they’ll hear you.”

“Why was that?!”

“Because it was dangerous! I know! But there’s nothing to be done about it now. Jack’s gone. Lot’s of people are going to die. We’ve got to go on.”

Geoff ran his hands through his hair and turned around. He took a few deep breaths before brushing past the Brit into the other room. “Get something to eat, assholes. You can make out later.” He said, pointedly staring at Ray who was now holding Ryan’s face. “We’re leaving in one hour.”

Finally Michael piped up. “Jack said we’d be staying--” 

“Jack isn’t here is he, _Michael?_ ” Geoff spat, silencing the Lad. He cast one more look over the four men before turning on his heel and locking himself away in the bathroom.

The group was silent and still for a long while until Gavin quietly broke the silence. “I’ve never seen him so sad.”


	3. Fallen From Grace

Geoff led the group through the roads of New Mexico. They’d finally passed the Texas border a few hours ago and it was just starting to get dark. The boys were all silent, mostly because the loss of Jack had forced them to realise that this was real. It wasn’t just some game and that they’d all be fine. There was almost no talking except for the occasional brave comment made by Gavin but after enough glares were shot his way by Geoff, even he resigned himself to silence. Then something caught the attention of the group. 

Light. 

There was a building with a light inside. Light meant electricity. Electricity meant Geoff could charge his phone. He could get a grasp on what they were doing. What was happening. They could make a plan. Mustering up all the strength they could (or catching a ride on the back of Ryan, as was the case with Ray), the men picked up the pace. 

The light was coming from a room in a hotel. The group made their way in and snatched a few room keys from behind the front desk. They all settled into the room that Geoff would be staying in, eagerly watching as he plugged his phone into an outlet. When the device lit up, the older man visibly relaxed.

“All right, lads.” Were the first words spoken by their leader since he’d locked himself in the bathroom earlier that morning. “Relax. Find something to eat.” Despite being relieved by his newly revived phone, Geoff still sounded tired and sad. No one could really blame him. His best friend was dead. 

Ryan lightly hit Gavin’s arm and motioned for the Lads to follow him out of the room. “I think he deserves some time to himself. He’ll come up with a plan.” He said, closing the door. 

“Can we find a cafeteria or something?” Gavin piped up. “I’m starving.” 

Ryan glanced at the door and nodded. “Yeah, but make sure you’re all on guard.” 

~*~*~*~

Gavin was lolling around on Geoff’s bed with his legs propped up on the wall. “So, Micool.” He said to the other Lad who was sitting on the floor next to him. 

“Hmm…?” He barely glanced up from the card game he was playing with Ryan. 

“If you could be anything in the ocean, what would you want to be?” He asked, absently running his hands through his boi’s hair. 

“Gav, I’m losing.” 

“I know, it’s just so damn quiet. C’mon.” He rolled his head to the side to stare at the red-headed lad. 

Michael hummed once, placing a card on the floor. “A Manta ray.” He laughed as Ray’s head popped up at his name then sheepishly shrunk back at the realisation that he hadn’t been called. 

“What about you, Rye-bread?” 

“Hatchetfish.” He answered quickly, laying down a card of his own and grinning as Michael threw the rest of his hand down in frustration. 

Gavin wiggled around on the bed until he was on his stomach, with his head poking off, next to Michael’s. “A what?” 

Ryan looked up at him. “A Hatchetfish. They’re deep sea fish.” 

“And creepy as fuck.” Ray added, scooting up next to the Gent. 

“So just like you.” Michael waved a card at Ryan. 

“Ray?” Gavin moved again to rest his head on top of Michael’s. 

Ray shrugged and crossed his legs. “I dunno. A jellyfish or some shit. What about you?” 

“Maybe a coelacanth.” He mused. 

“They’re extinct, dipshit.” Michael swatted at the Brit, playfully. 

Gavin swatted back, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t say it couldn’t be extinct.” 

“Well then I’m changing mine to a liopleurodon.” 

“You can’t change it! You already picked!”

“Why would I want to be a fucking ray when I could be a god damn dinosaur?”

“Why _would_ you be fucking Ray?” 

“Who’s fucking Ray?” Ryan jumped into the conversation. 

“Micool wants to fuck Ray!” Gavin squawked as the older Lad grabbed his shoulders and drug him off the bed and pinned him to the floor. 

“Oakland.” Geoff’s voice brought the room to a halt as the four poked their heads up over the bed to look at him. “The nearest quarantine zone is Oakland. That’s where we’re headed, lads. And, by the way, the coelacanth isn’t extinct, fucktards. It’s endangered. And I’d be a megalodon. Just so you know.” 

~*~*~*~

Ryan was nearly asleep, after tossing and turning in his bed for hours. It didn’t help that dumb and dumber were in the next room whispering loudly and probably sucking each other off. Geoff’s room was on the other side, but he’d been asleep by the time everyone had cleared out. Ray was in the adjacent bed and was sound asleep, snoring lightly. Ryan sighed, finally getting comfy and he could feel himself slowly drifting off. 

He was a moment from sleep when he was startled awake by a scream from the lad next to him. He sat up and looked around wildly, snatching his knife off the bedside table and flicking the light on. There was nothing in the room besides the two of them. He looked over to Ray in confusion and found the kid fitfully tossing in the bed, clinging to the sheets. His eyes were wide open and he was breathing heavily. 

The gent shot out of his bed and moved to his friend. “Ray? Ray, what is it?” He didn’t respond or even recognize Ryan. He kicked and clawed at the blankets, tangling himself inside them further. “Ray?” The two Lads next door had rushed out of their room at the scream and were now pounding at his door. 

Ray sat bolt upright, still trying to kick his way out of the sheets. As he finally succeeded, it hit Ryan what was happening. Night Terrors. As the Lad tried to escape the bed, he grabbed hold of his shoulders, warranting an attack from his panicked friend. He sat back on the lad’s legs, pinning them to the bed, as Ray batted at his arms and tried to writhe away. 

“Go away!” Ryan shouted towards the door, where Geoff had begun pounding as well. “It’s fine I’m handling it!” He slowly pushed Ray back down onto the bed. He’d never had experience with night terrors but he generally knew what they were. He figured the safest bet was to try to calm Ray down and having three people trying to beat down the door wasn’t going to help. 

He slid his hands down Ray’s arms to his elbows to pin them to the bed so he’d stopping attacking him. “Ray, it’s okay. You’re safe, Ray.” He said softly as his friend stared up at him, wide eyed and frightened. He gently nuzzled his face into Ray’s dark hair, whispering to him warmly. “It’s okay. I’ve got you, Ray. I’ve got you.” The hispanic kid slowly stopped fighting and wriggling below him. “You’re safe. I’ve got you.” 

Finally Ray stopped squirming and shook his head, blinking rapidly. Once the fog cleared out of his head and he was fully awake, he looked at the older man hovering over him. “What… What’re you doing…?”

Ryan pulled back and moved to sit on the bed beside him. “You were having a night terror.” Ray slowly sat up, looking to the door as Geoff knocked again. Ryan groaned and pushed himself off the bed, making his way to the door. He yanked it open to find three very concerned friends. “Go to bed, you assholes. It’s fine, I told you. Nothing happened. He had a bad dream, that’s all.” He shooed them back to their rooms. “And you two,” He pointedly glared at Michael and Gavin. “Go the fuck to sleep already.” 

“That’s not what night terror’s are.” Ray said as Ryan shut the door. 

He walked back over to Ray’s bed and sat down again. “I know, but it was easier than having to explain it to Gavin. Are you okay?”

Ray gave a small, pitiful laugh and shrugged. “I used to get these a lot as a kid. I grew out of it when I was in middle school but I guess…”

“You’ve been through a lot. I’m surprised we aren’t all having mental breakdowns.” He leaned back a bit and turned his head to smile at the younger man.

Ray nodded and glanced up at him. As soon as he did though, he paled and shrunk back. “Oh, god, Ryan. Did I do that?” 

“Do what?” He turned around to see if Ray had accidentally punched a hole in the wall or something in his fit. He felt a hand brush his cheek and was suddenly very aware of a hot wetness there. He turned around to see Ray’s fingertips covered in blood. He stood up and bolted for the bathroom. He flicked the light on and sighed in relief. “Jesus, Ray.” He laughed. “You made me think you took my entire cheek off.” He grabbed a hand towel and walked back into the room. “It’s just a scratch.” 

Ray switched his gaze from his hand to Ryan’s face as he sat on the bed opposite. “I didn’t--”

“Knock it off, all right?” Ryan dabbed the blood off his face. “I’m not going to die. I can barely feel it. We’re still good.” He finished cleaning his face off and wadded the towel up, holding it out to his roommate to wipe his fingers off on. “Try to get some more sleep.” He rolled over and drew the comforter up to his neck. “Turn the light off, would you?” 

“Ryan?” 

“Mm?” 

“Would you… I mean, fuck. This is… Don’t take this…” Ray groaned. “Could I maybe sleep with you?” He said quickly.

Ryan twisted around to look at the little lad. He grinned and patted the bed next to him. When Ray hesitated he laughed. “C’mon. We both need some good sleep.” 

“All right, just don’t… Don’t let Gavin know. Or Michael.” He wiggled under the covers, being very careful not to touch the other man. “They’ll never let it go.” 

“I wont.”

“And don’t tell Geoff. He’s--” Ray was cut off by Ryan’s arm wrapping around his waist and pulling him close. 

“Go to sleep, Ray.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to note that I've never had a night terror or have had any experience with one. Everything in this is pulled from what I gathered off of Google. So if it's inaccurate, blame the internet :x


	4. Without A Friend

Geoff frowned at his phone as he continued reading the report he’d found. “‘Keep in mind that the infected are not zombies. They are still living beings, however by the time the infection has reached it’s peak they could more easily be equated with a rabid dog. They are slow and not very bright but, given the opportunity, will always go for the kill. The infection is highly contagious and while a touch is not enough to infect someone, there are plenty of other means by which the virus spreads.’”

He looked back at his friends, walking alongside him before resuming. “‘The virus can be spread at any stage in its progress by ways similar to the common cold such as sneezing, coughing, etc.. The virus can also enter through the bloodstream. Be sure to keep any open wounds covered at all times.’

‘Infected nearly always travel in groups and most have developed a technique of distraction. They will target one person in a group and separate them from the rest where he can easily be killed.’

‘Infected tend to lurk in stores (specifically supermarkets), swamplands, hilly areas, cities, and suburbs. They tend to avoid rural areas and open spaces.’” Geoff quit reading. He’d read it all this morning before leaving the hotel and that was all the vital information they needed to know. He switched over to his GPS to figure out exactly where they were. “Las Cruces is about 6 hours away, lads. We can make it there before dark.” 

Ryan jogged up to him from where he’d been posted at the back with Ray, in case the boy decided to pass out again. “Geoff, you just read that they like to be in cities.”

“We’re not going to the city. We’ll stop outside of it.” He said flatly, his cold tone silencing the Lads behind them. 

“Look, Mesilla is right there. Let’s just go there.” Ryan pointed to the map before Geoff hastily ripped his phone away.

Geoff snapped his head to the side to glare at the other Gent. “We’re going where I say we’re going. Understood?” Ryan set his jaw and quit walking, allowing Michael and Gavin to walk around him and only continuing when Ray grabbed onto his arm. 

Michael shot a glance at Gavin as he quickened his pace to fall in line with Geoff. “He’s only trying to help.” He whispered, as Gavin fell back to start a cheery conversation with R&R.

“I don’t want his help.” 

“He might be right though. You should at least listen to him.” 

“Michael, feel free to say I’m acting like a 12-year-old girl but I want nothing to do with Ryan. It’s his fault Jack’s dead.” He held his hand up to stop the Lad’s protests. “And maybe you don’t think so, but it’s true. So if you have something helpful to say, fine, go for it. But I’m not taking advice from someone who thought it was a perfectly fine idea to let Jack go off alone.”

“Geoff, listen, I know you and Jack--”

“You don’t know anything so shut the fuck up and leave me alone.” He growled, returning his attention to his phone. 

~*~*~*~ 

“Okay, what if you were changed into a duck and you could change back to human but to do it you had to eat one of your own feathers?” They’d been walking for nearly 8 hours and Gavin was very obviously running out of ways to keep things interesting.

“Why would I want to stop being a duck though?” Ryan asked, clearly not interested in the scenario but wanting to keep Gavin’s hopes up anyway.

“I dunno. Maybe you’d miss having thumbs?” 

“I’d much rather be a duck than a human, right now, Gav.” 

Gavin hummed in response and immediately dropped the subject, following Geoff around a corner onto a little cul de sac that had three fairly decent houses. They’d all probably been stripped dry, but they were really only looking for a place to stay. 

Geoff sized up the three and finally headed for the one on the right, turning to look back at his friends. “See if there’s anything in there worth keeping first.” Were the only instructions he gave before pushing the already broken door open. 

Horrible mistake.

There were at least eight infected hanging out in the front room of the home. The second the door opened they let out a high pitched shriek and made after the group. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, get back!” Geoff moved backwards down the front porch, fumbling with his shotgun. He finally aimed and fired laying out one of the creatures on the pavement. 

“Geoff…” Ryan’s voice floated above the increasing sound of the infected. 

Michael’s voice joined in. “Geoff?” 

Finally a scream from Gavin ripped Geoff’s attention away. They were being surrounded by twenty or so of the hellspawn. “Just kill them all! You’ve all got weapons! Use them!” Geoff barked orders that were immediately followed. 

Michael had learned early that he was worthless with a gun. Instead he opted for a simple baseball bat. Everyone else could at least hit something when they fired, even Gavin, but something about firearms just didn’t work with him. That was fine though, he liked the idea of beating something to death better than just shooting it. More so now that they’d killed one of his best friends. 

Summoning his inner Mogar, he joined in with his friends on a murderous rampage. It still didn’t feel quite real to him. He understood that this was a very real threat that could very seriously hurt or kill him, but it didn’t seem real. Like if they killed him, he’d just respawn or something. It was thinking like that that was probably keeping him sane. If he just treated it like a video game, maybe that’s what it’d become. 

It was different from video games though and the most obvious reason he could find was that these enemies didn’t attack one at a time. They didn’t wait for you to finish off one before they attacked. That was just a minor inconvenience for him. He wailed away at the creatures, sending one after another to the ground with their heads bashed in. 

Between the five of them, the hoard had been whittled down to about six when Michael heard a sound that made his blood run cold. Gavin’s scream. It wasn’t a sound that was unfamiliar to him but this time it was different. It immediately changed from it’s usual high pitched cry to a deep, throaty gurgle before silencing completely. 

Without thinking, Michael whipped around, abandoning the creature he’d been working on and charged the one on top of the Brit. With one powerful swing he sent the infected flying off his friend. Blind fury took over as he began screaming and hitting the creature on the ground. Over and over, spraying it’s blood all over himself and the pavement. 

He didn’t stop until two hands grabbed hold of his bat, mid swing. He turned to face Ryan and immediately shied away, letting go of the weapon and letting it clatter to the ground. The look of sadness he was being given by the older man sent bolts of fear through his body. 

He shook his head and pushed past him, the adrenaline that had been carrying him wore off and he stumbled to where his friend was lying on the ground his eyes glossed over, staring at the sky. His mind refused to register what was going on. Gavin was dead. His throat ripped open, lying in a pool of his own blood. He only saw his stupid friend fucking with him, staring aimlessly off to space. 

“Gav?” He touched the younger man’s cheek that had already gone cold. “Gav, hey. Listen to me. Knock it off, all right? Gavin, this isn’t funny!” He shouted, grabbing the man’s face with both hands. “You piece of shit, stop it! Come on, Gav. Sit up. Ask me one of your stupid questions! Look, it’s me, Gav. It’s me. Lovely little Micool! Blink already, god dammit!” He wrapped his arms around the lad and pulled him into his lap. “You son of a bitch…” He choked curling tightly around his cold friend, rocking gently. 

Ryan still stood over the mangled corpse of the infected that had dared to come between Nice Dynamite. He ripped his gaze away to look at Geoff who was expressionlessly staring at the duo. It wasn’t until Michael had stopped talking that he finally located Ray. He had bolted as soon as he saw what had happened and was standing behind a tree now, violently losing what little lunch he’d had. 

He had no idea what to do now. Gavin was gone, Michael was delusional, Geoff was a million miles away, and Ray couldn’t stop dry heaving behind the tree. Ryan rubbed at his face and shivered. “It’s getting dark.” He said softly, catching only Geoff’s attention. There was no light in the man’s eyes, like he was dead himself. “We should find somewhere to spend the night.” He continued.

He slowly moved his way over to the youngest lad, who was now on his knees and clutching his stomach. Ryan put a gentle hand on his back and knelt beside him. “Ray, we’ve got to move. We can’t stay here.” 

“I can’t.” His voice was breathy and quiet. “I can’t.”

“I’ll carry you. We’ve got to go.”

“You can’t keep carrying me, Ryan.” Ray shook his head, refusing to look up. 

“I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe.” When Ray tried to shake his head again, he grabbed hold of his face and gently turned his head towards him. “Whatever it takes.” 

Ray started to answer but was immediately cut off by a cry coming from the other Lad. Ryan shot to his feet and bolted over to where Michael had begun shouting at Geoff. 

“He’s fine, just leave him alone!” Michael screamed. “Don’t touch him!” He curled himself around Gavin, protectively. 

“Michael--”

“I’m not leaving him! He just needs some time to recover! He’s going to be fine, just give him a bit!”

“Michael, please listen.”

“You listen, Ryan! He’s fine!”

“Michael, he’s dead!” Ryan grabbed the Lad by the shoulders and shook him. “He’s dead! I know you don’t want to believe it, none of us do, but he’s dead and if we don’t move on we’re all going to join him!” 

Michael just stared at him for at least a minute before speaking. “We can’t just leave him.” His voice was dry and cracking, holding back a waterfall of tears and it broke Ryan’s heart. Of all the people in their group, Michael would’ve been the last to let anyone see him broken. 

“We don’t have a choice.” He said gently, touching his shoulder. “There’s nothing we can do.” 

The younger man wrenched his arm away, desperately trying to hold it together. He bent back over the Brit, hiding a small kiss he planted on the cold cheek. He gently moved him off his lap and stood up sharply. He set his shoulders back and looked ahead and started walking, not waiting for anyone else. 

Ryan nodded for Geoff to follow him then ran back to Ray to scoop him up off the ground, clearing out of the area and catching up to the other two as quickly as possible, never once looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret nothing.


	5. Lost In Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does not like me. I tried. This just isn't what I wanted, but I'm going to go mad if I keep editing it. It's still pretty good I think. 
> 
> -quiet voice- also I have a tumblr now, if anyone was interested. i can't link it because i'm a fucking mong and don't know how but if you'd like it's teamgentsfancynews.tumblr.com

Geoff was asleep in the master bedroom. Michael had been given the guest bedroom. Ray and Ryan both refused to even go near the other bedroom that obviously used to belong to a very young kid and opted to share the couch instead. Ray had just fallen asleep, after his shift on guard ended, when everyone was startled awake by a clanging from outside. Ryan instinctively wrapped an arm around Ray, who scrunched up against him, staring at the front door where the noise was coming from. 

“Where the fuck is Michael!?” Geoff flew into the living room a few moments later, desperately searching for the Lad. 

“Was it his shift?” Ryan glanced at the boy next to him.

Ray’s blood ran cold at the prospect of losing another friend. He ripped himself out of Ryan’s arms, a sudden wave of determination washing over him as he tore Geoff’s gun out of his hands and burst through the front door. He followed the clanging around the side of the house, only to find Michael wailing at a metal trash can with his bat. 

The Lad’s face was contorted in a sort of rage that Ray had never seen before. This wasn’t ‘pissed off at a video game’ anger. This was full scale fury. Ray slowly crept closer to him, holding the gun out in front of him as a defense should Michael decide he wanted to take a swing at him. “Michael?” He called as the older man reeled back for another hit. 

He paused mid swing to look up at his friend. “What?” He asked softly, completely contrasting the intensity of his frozen stance. 

“Come inside. It’s not the trash can’s fault.” He folded his arms, bracing himself against the chilly night air. 

He looked from his bat to the trash can and finally back to Ray. “They took him from me, Ray.” 

“I know.” 

He dropped the bat to his side, defeated. “They took him. And I can’t get him back.” He sunk to his knees slowly and, for the first time that Ray could recall, he burst into tears. 

Ray took a step back, startled and unsure what exactly to do. He dropped down beside the other Lad and gently touched a hand to his shoulder. “I miss him too.” 

“I was supposed to protect him. If either of us was supposed to die, it was going to be me! Ray, don’t you get that?” He sniffled and wiped at his nose. 

“Michael you can’t…” Ray hesitated. “Let me smell your breath.” 

“What?” 

“Now, please, Michael.” He was relieved that he didn’t have to fight to get him to breathe a little puff of air at him, though he now realised what a terrible state their hygiene had to be in. He waved his hand in front of his nose to dismiss the smell but even with the stench of not having brushed his teeth in nearly two weeks, the smell of whiskey was obvious. “You’re drunk.” 

Michael nodded, still crying and wiping at his face. 

“Where did you get whiskey?” 

“Geoff.” 

Ray shot a glare towards the house. “When did he get whiskey?”

“He’s had it. There’s no more left. We polished it all off tonight.” 

_I don’t blame you._ “Please come inside. It’s cold and we’re going to start attracting infected out here.” He grabbed hold of Michael’s arm, steadying the other man as he brought him to his feet. 

***

Geoff was about to call after Ray to bring back his gun when Ryan stopped him. “How drunk is he?” He turned around to watch Ryan stand up from the couch and fold his arms. “How drunk is he?” 

“I swear, we weren’t going to use it to get drunk. Not originally.” He winced as Ryan’s gaze stayed locked on him. “We’ve just been having a shot or two every night. It’s hard to stop cold turkey, man.” 

“How drunk are you?”

“Not as much as he is.” 

“How much did he have.” 

“He got himself wasted and had three more shots after that.” He quickly continued to avoid Ryan’s disappointed look. “G… Ga… He was his best friend. Probably more than best friends. They probably banged.” Ryan frowned. “I can’t blame the kid for drinking it away. But he polished it off. We don’t have to worry about it. We’ll take care of his hangover and we’ll start fresh tomorrow.”

“Geoff.”

“It was my fault anyway. You were right. We shouldn’t have come here.” Geoff balled his fists. “I was furious with you. I still am.” His words started to slur together. “It was fucking your fault that Jack died, you sonofabitch!” He shouted suddenly, reeling back to punch Ryan, only for his fist to be caught before it could reach it’s target. “You let him go! And then you let me take us here! Why didn’t you watch Ga… Him!?”

“Geoff, you’re drunk.”

“You fucking bet your damn ass I’m drunk ‘cause I lost my best friend and my fucking son. So you--”

“The Lads.” Ryan hissed quickly. 

“What?” Geoff turned around to see Ray and Michael standing in the doorway. Michael was crying and Ray looked like he was about to.

Ryan stepped up and pushed Geoff towards his room. “Bed. All of you. It’s my shift anyway. You two are useless drunks, right now.” His heart fell as Michael grabbed onto Ray’s shirt and let out a sob as he was led back to his room.

A few minutes later Ray returned to the living room and sat down next to Ryan. “How much did you hear.” Ryan’s voice was flat. 

“It wasn’t your fault Jack died. It wasn’t anyone’s.”

“I know.” He wrapped an arm around the Hispanic lad, squeezing him probably a little too tightly. “He’s hurting. He needs someone to blame.” 

“You make a good mom.” Ray teased, attempting to lighten the situation. “Shoving everyone off to bed.” Ryan cracked a little smile, which was more than enough for Ray. 

“You go to sleep too.” Without thinking he kissed the top of Ray’s head. He cringed a bit when the lad pulled back curiously. 

“Did you just kiss me?”

“Sorry. I just--”

“It’s fine.” Ray cut him off, just a bit too quickly. “I’m going to sleep now, Ryan.”

“Night, Ray.”

“Night, mom.”

~*~*~*~

“Ryan. Ryan! _Ryan!_ ” Ray hissed, desperately shaking the older man awake. 

“What, what, what?” He moaned, stretching out his neck and slowly blinking his eyes open. As soon as he did, though, he was wide awake. Ray was staring back at him with such an intense look of terror that he immediately scrambled to stand up. “Ray, what--”

“ _Listen! Can’t you hear!?_ ” He was shaking and wringing out his hands as he shifted his weight back and forth. 

Ryan shook the cobwebs out of his mind. The second he did he was all too suddenly aware of the sound of a hoard just outside the home. He silently cursed Geoff again for having brought them here. “Just stay quiet. They might leave us alone.” He pulled Ray down onto the couch with him, avoiding any windows that might give them away. 

It was working, too, until a pained cry came from Michael’s room just before a furious shout. “I’ll kill them all! The bastards! I’LL KILL THEM ALL!” He screamed as he rushed into the living room, very hungover and apparently still drunk-minded. Before Ryan could stop him he burst through the front door, clutching his bat fiercely. “FUCKING COME GET ME YOU PRICKS!” 

Ryan quickly grabbed his gun as Ray did the same. There wasn’t any time, now, to wish he hadn’t done that or to try to fix it. All they could do was protect themselves and hope that the gunfire would be enough to rouse Geoff to come help. There were at least thirty of the devils to split between one angry drunk with a bat and two men who were barely able to fire a gun, let alone aim. 

The only thing they had going for them was that the creatures were slow. They managed to hold their ground, but only by the skin of their teeth. Somewhere along the lines Ryan got separated from the others and found himself back near the house when several gunshots rang out right next to him. He glanced away for just a moment to find Geoff next to him, mowing down the infected like it were a video game. 

“Ryan, I’m sorry. And I’m still fucking hungover. But I’m sorry.” He shouted above the noise. “I haven’t made many good decisions, but I’m making one now.”

“What are you talking about?” The two were now back to back and Ryan had finally caught sight of the Lads doing nearly the same thing. 

“Ryan, there’s too many for us.”

“We can handle it.” 

“Ryan, get the Lads out of here.” Geoff’s voice barely carried to Ryan’s ears. “Get them out, and keep them safe.” 

“Geoff, I’m not leaving you!” Ryan bipped one of the creatures right in the face. 

“Yes you are, I’m your boss and that’s an order! If we stay here, we’re all going to die! I’m not going to be responsible for any more deaths but my own. Now go! Get them to Oakland and keep them safe.” 

Ryan’s heart lept into his throat. Geoff was right and he knew it. So he couldn’t fight it. He hesitated one moment longer before sprinting towards the Lads. “Ray, clear us out and don’t stop running!” He shouted, hefting Michael over his shoulder, struggling to keep the still swinging boy steady. 

Ray didn’t question, he just did as he was told. He shot down the creatures that were blocking their escape. Michael, on the other hand, just screamed. He screamed to be put down. He screamed to go back and fight. He quickly realised, even hungover as he was, what was happening and as soon as he did, he screamed for Geoff. He screamed and didn’t stop.


	6. A World Reborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I'm sorry. I was having a hard time writing the next few chapters oops. It's hard when I know exactly what I want but I just can't get the words down.

“Geoff! Geoff! Ryan, put me _down_ , Ryan! Geoff!” Michael’s voice was raspy and dry. He hadn’t stopped screaming for Geoff from the moment he’d been hurled over Ryan’s shoulder until he’d been set back on his feet. The moment he touched the ground he tried to run back but the older man quickly grabbed him by the shoulders. 

“Michael, enough!” 

“Let go! We’ve got to help Geoff!” Michael squirmed. 

Ryan shook him lightly. “You’re not going back there, do you understand me!?” He was still breathing hard after sprinting for nearly ten minutes while carrying another full grown man. 

Michael grit his teeth. “You abandoned Geoff! You left him there to die! Just like you did to Jack!” Without warning Ryan reeled back and smacked the Lad, sending him to the ground. He sat there for a minute, staring blankly ahead. He’d fully intended to hit Ryan right where it hurt but he hadn’t expected him to hit back. Not physically, at least. He was only vaguely aware that Ray had finally stepped in and won a quiet argument against the Gent. Probably about how he shouldn’t have hit someone. What a mom. 

“Michael.” He felt a hand on his shoulder that he quickly shrugged off. “Michael, don’t be like this.” 

“Fuck off.”

“Hey. Listen, Geoff’s a smart guy--” Ray paused as Michael scoffed. “Well, Geoff’s a clever guy. If anyone could’ve made it out of there, it would be him.”

Michael finally sat up to blink at his friend. “Don’t fucking tell me that.”

“It’s true.”

“I know it’s fucking true!” Michael grabbed at his messy curls, drawing his legs up to his chest. “I can’t hope for that, Ray! It’s not going to happen.” He buried his face in his knees to hide the tears that were stinging at his eyes. 

Ray stood up and lightly patted his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” He walked back to Ryan who was trying to hide the fact that he was still bitter about Michael’s comment. 

“You shouldn’t have said that.”

“He needs hope.” 

“We all fucking need hope, but you know as well as I do that Geoff is dead.” 

“You listen to me, Ryan Haywood.” Ray hissed. “We’ve all got something keeping us alive and hope is what’s going to keep Michael alive right now. If you do anything to crush that hope--”

“We need to move.” Ryan cut him off, turning away.

~*~*~*~

It had been a week. One whole week. They woke up in the early morning, every morning, and walked until it was dark. If they had to they’d take down a mob, but typically they just avoided them. No one spoke with anyone unless they had to. They were barely keeping enough food in them to keep from starving. Here they were, one week later, sitting in a shed on what had once been a sort of farmland area outside Avondale, Arizona. Ryan was on watch and was a million miles away. 

_“Lovely Ryan.”_

_“Ryan the crazy guy.”_

_“Team Same Voice.”_

_“What if your legs didn’t know they were legs?”_

_“Ryan, you are a disturbing person!”_

_“I’m gonna go build a house.”_

_“Okay, you could have a million dollars but--”_

_“Achievement Hunters to me!”_

_“Choo choo, motherfucker!”_

Ryan shook his head and pressed his palms against his eyes, willing his friends inside his mind to shut up. “Stop it, stop it, stop it.” He whispered, covering his ears. “Leave me alone, I’m sorry!”

_“Free Edgar 2013!”_

_“I’m getting bullied.”_

_“I’m going cakeless.”_

His breath caught in his throat. Ray? Ray wasn’t dead, right? No, no, he couldn’t be. His head shot up to look around the shed, finally settling his gaze on the still form of his friend. He blinked hard, willing his eyes to focus on the Lad. “Ray, no.” He squeaked, slowly inching away from his post. _Is he breathing…? Oh, god, he’s not breathing!_ He immediately flipped onto his hands and knees and cleared the distance between the two of them. “Ray! Ray, please!” He whispered, shaking the younger man, trying not to wake up Michael.

Ray squirmed a bit and tried to move away from the other man. He hummed softly in irritation before sitting up and rubbing his face. “Ryan, what--” He was quickly cut off by the desperate hug he was attacked with. He tried to pull away for a moment before sighing and patting Ryan’s back. “What’re you doing?” He asked after a few minutes of silently sitting in the hug.

Ryan pulled back and stared at him. “You’re not allowed to die, do you understand? I need you. I need Michael too, but I need you, Ray.”

“What are you--”

“You’re not allowed to! Promise me you wont!” 

“Uh, I… I’ll try not to.” 

“Promise!”

“Okay, I promise! What’s going on? You were fucking pissed at me before.”

“I need you.” 

“Okay.” Ray hadn’t realised how badly his friend was shaking until just then. He put a hand on Ryan’s arm and smiled at him gently. “It’s okay, really. I’m fine.”

Ryan ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I know, I just… I don’t know what I--”

“I need you too.” 

“What? No, that’s--” He shut up as Ray grabbed onto his collar and pulled him close to press their lips together. He absolutely melted. He didn’t care that neither of them had showered in over two weeks or that he vaguely tasted of the horrific canned peas they’d had for dinner. It was Ray and they were kissing. And Michael was right behind them. 

He pulled away sharply at that thought and stared past the Hispanic Lad. Michael was facing away but he was shaking. Crying. Ryan winced and looked back to Ray who shook his head and simply mouthed “ _Gavin._ ”

“ _Should I…_ ” Ryan mouthed back, nodding towards the other Lad.

Ray shook his head again and shifted away from Ryan to lay back down. “Don’t forget to wake me up.” He rolled over and pressed himself against Michael’s back, wrapping an arm around him in an attempt to calm him down. 

Ryan sighed and crawled his way back over to his post and set his gun across his lap, watching Michael slowly stop shaking and drift back off to sleep.


	7. Shadows On The Floor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the worst chapter in the world to write oh my god. It took forever. It just did not want to get written.
> 
> Excuses out of the way, I had literally nothing to do all day so this story is entirely written! One more full chapter after this and a shorter epilogue thing? Thank you guys so much for reading this, it means a lot and I love you all<3

Geoff burst into a fit of giggles as Michael dumped his half-empty drink into Gavin’s lap. The Brit squawked and tried to stand up at the booth, only succeeding in knocking his own drink onto him. Michael and Geoff were practically falling out of their seats as Gavin tried to sop up the mess. Ryan and Jack were both chuckling softly, meanwhile, at Ray, who was busy trying to keep the spilled beer from getting onto him.

Things quieted down quickly as a waitress brought them over a handful of napkins, though Michael and Geoff were still giggling. Gavin cleaned himself and the booth off then dumped the wet napkins onto the table and shoved his curly-haired friend lightly. “Bloody… Fukkin… fight me, Micool.” 

Michael just pushed him back, squishing Ray further into the corner. “I’m not fighting you, asshole.” He giggled.

“Geoff, you fight me!” He turned and swatted at his boss’s arm. 

“You’re a fucking moron.” 

Gavin bounced in his seat, further irritating the single sober member of the Lads. “I wanna fight! Someone fight me.” He pushed Michael again.

The ginger just sighed and planted one hand on Gavin’s thigh and another on his shoulder and pushed him as far away as he could, entirely forgetting his third friend who was strongly questioning why he’d come at all. 

“This is what you were missing out on.” Ryan smiled at Ray as he shoved Gavin away. “They’re like this pretty much every week.” 

Ray groaned and curled into the corner. “I’m not sure what I expected.”

“I told you not to come.”

“I didn’t want to be left out.”

Ryan chuckled. “We don’t all need to be together 24/7. You can survive without us.”

***

Was he ever wrong. Ryan pulled himself out of his flashback and back into reality. He wasn’t in a bar, waiting to be everyone’s ride home. He wasn’t even with everyone. He was silently walking down a California road with only half of the people that had been at that bar. How long ago was that? It felt like it was years ago that they’d all been together. It had barely been a month. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Ray’s hand latching onto his sleeve. “Ryan, wait.” Ray jogged a few feet into the grass to read some words that had been spray painted onto a wall. “There’s a quarantine zone in San Diego!” He whipped around, grinning for the first time since the bombing in New York. “It’s less than a day’s walk away from here!” He turned back to the sign, studying the rough directions that had been drawn on. 

Ryan moved to meet him, wrapping his arms around the Lad from behind as he studied the wall. “That’s it, Ray. Michael come--”

“No.” 

Ray and Ryan both turned around to gawk at their redheaded friend. “No?” Ryan repeated. 

“We have to go to Oakland.” Michael said quietly, staring at his feet. 

“We really, really don’t.” Ryan was set back onto the offensive. 

Michael wasn’t going to be swayed. His eyes shot up to meet Ryan’s glare. “If Geoff is still alive, he’s going to Oakland. We’re going to Oakland.” He demanded. 

Ryan was about to shout at him when Ray piped up. “Michael, listen.”

“Ray, you listen!”

“ _No!_ Michael, if we go to a quarantine in San Diego, we don’t have to stay there forever! We can leave once the infection is cleared.” 

“What if it never get’s cleared, Ray?! What then? We’ll never know. Even if we did know, we’d never get to see him again!” Tears were threatening to rain down the man’s face. “I’m not going to San Diego.” 

Ryan set his jaw and answered before Ray could. “Then we’re going without you.” He ignored the quiet hiss of _“Ryan!”_ that came from the Hispanic. “I’m not going to keep us out in this hell when we could be safe by tonight.”

“He’s right.” Ray said quietly. 

That’s what set it off. Arguing that went on for what felt like years to Michael. Blowing out his voice again as he screamed at Ryan. Geoff was dead. He knew Geoff was dead. He knew Gavin was dead. He knew Jack was dead. They were all dead and they weren’t coming back. But he fought anyway. He fought for that one, undying piece of hope that persisted that maybe, just maybe, one of them wasn’t. 

He screamed until he couldn’t anymore. Even then, he still tried. He fought Ryan and he fought Ray when he tried to break it up. He fought until he gave up. He stopped yelling, he stopped arguing. He simply turned around and started walking. He was going to Oakland, with or without the R&R Connection. His hands curled into fists at that thought. 

The Connection. Why was it that the two of them made it together? Why couldn’t Ryan have died instead of Gavin? Michael’s pace quickened. Why did Gavin, of all people, have to die? And why did it have to be that way? The questions swirled around his mind until he was dizzy. Too dizzy to keep walking, so he stopped and was almost immediately run into. He knit his eyebrows in confusion as he turned around to find Ray stumbling backwards and a very angry Ryan a few feet behind. But he didn’t ask questions. He just accepted it and continued walking, silently thanking Ray for following him.

~*~*~

Michael swung his bat, connecting with an Infected and sending a spray of blood towards his face. The sounds of gunshots behind him were strangely comforting. It meant that his friends, if Ryan could be considered his friend at this point, were both still alive and fighting. The battles with hoards were nothing new and it almost bored him at this point. 

The only reason they’d come across this hoard was because it’d been camping out in the first habitable house they’d seen for miles and they wanted to go to sleep. So they set to work massacring the creatures until they could finally claim the house. They cleared out the bodies of the few they’d shot down inside the building and set to work securing the home before settling in. 

It was around three in the morning when Michael was woken up. Ray was on watch in the next room. He was… coughing? Michael rubbed his face and swung his legs out of the bed and crept into the front room. The younger Lad was facing away from him, staring intently at the door. Michael tilted his head curiously as his friend began coughing again accompanied with a violent shiver. “Ray?” 

The kid jumped and whipped around to face the other man. “It’s not what you think.” He said quickly, standing up and holding his hands in front of him. “I swear, I didn’t get bit you can check me over, I’m fine!” He coughed again, doubling over as it racked his body. 

“I’m getting Ryan.” 

“No!” Ray straightened up quickly, again holding a hand in front of him. 

“No, I’m getting Ryan.” Michael quickly turned around, returning moments later with the Gent.

Ryan immediately shot to Ray’s side, sitting him back down in the chair. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing. I’m fine.” Ray shivered, letting Ryan check him over. 

“Ray.” He said sternly. “What’s going on?”

“I’ve got a cough. That’s all. I’m fine, really.” He looked up at the older man in fear. 

“What’s it like? What’s going on?” 

Ray sighed and folded his arms. “I’ve got a cough. And a fever. And it hurts my chest if I breathe too deep.” He curled up a bit tighter. “But that’s it. It’s no big deal.” 

Ryan stood up and looked down at him, speaking over his shoulder to Michael. “He’s not infected.” Both Lads let out a quick sigh. “He’s got pneumonia.” And suddenly they were less relieved. 

“How do we fix it?” Michael took a small step back, subconsciously. 

“We don’t. We get him to Oakland as quickly as we can, try not to catch it ourselves, and hope that they’ve got enough medicine there to fix it.”


	8. The Summers Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was gonna wait to post this, but I got excited so you're all in luck~ I'm gonna need to start working on a new fic to replace this one, though. Hm.

“Geoff would’ve known where to go.” 

“Thank you, Michael.”

“Geoff would’ve known how to fix Ray.” 

“ _Thank you_ , Michael.”

“Geoff would’ve gotten us there by now.” 

“Yes, I’m a shitty leader and I don’t have top notch medical knowledge and terrible directional abilities. _Thank you, Michael._ ” 

“Geoff wouldn’t have gotten mad at me…” 

“Oh my god.”

Michael seemed to have made a game out of fighting with Ryan. Honestly, he didn’t mind. It kept them from insufferable boredom. And neither were actually mad at the other at this point. They were just scared and exhausted, fighting happened to be the best way to keep from showing it.

Ray, however, didn’t care. He just stumbled along behind his two bickering friends, his arms wrapped tightly around him. He shivered constantly which brought on a massive headache. He was coughing almost nonstop. Every so often they would get so intense they’d send him to his knees and they’d all have to stop until he could quit long enough to stand up. He was walking how he assumed he would if he were drunk. Feet crossing in front of each other, stumbling along. It would annoy him if he weren’t too busy just trying to stay upright.

He was fading fast, Michael and Ryan both knew it. Ryan had estimated an eight day walk from San Diego to Oakland but with Ray stopping every few minutes to cough up a lung, it was looking to be a lot longer. Ryan had originally offered to carry Ray, but was quickly shot down by the other two. Pneumonia was contagious and they couldn’t risk having two of them being out of commission. They’d all die for sure. 

So they trudged along. They were down to two men having to fight off hordes that were targeting Ray as defenseless and easy prey. They hadn’t realised it at the time, but it hadn’t actually been too hard to stand their ground with all six of them. Nothing to be done about it now, though. They just did what they could. 

For ten days they did what they could. Fighting Infected off Ray. Checking up on him constantly. Watching him get paler and paler by the day. Listening to his coughing get worse. He’d stopped eating entirely because he couldn’t keep it down anyway. Their progress had slowed to a crawl. 

But they were still making progress. Eleven days after passing up San Diego, they reached the city limits of Oakland. Ryan had, honestly, been paying more attention to Ray than he had been to where they were so when the “Welcome to Oakland” sign popped up in front of them he was more than a little startled. 

They probably could’ve shown a bit more enthusiasm at the sign than they had but really, they just felt like crying. None of them would admit that, of course. But it was true. 

“Ray, you seeing this?” Michael nudged his friend, gently. 

The younger Lad’s eyes were distant and foggy. It didn’t help that his glasses were filthy. He took a moment to focus on where Michael was pointing: A building, just popping up over the horizon. “What…?” 

Michael cringed inwardly at the raspiness of Ray’s voice. “It’s the stadium. That’s where we’re going.” 

“Oh.” Ray lolled his head to the side and stopped walking, attracting Ryan’s attention. There was a brief moment of silence before he went into a coughing fit. He doubled over, dropping to his knees. Ryan was instantly at his side, with a hand on his shoulder. 

Michael, on the other hand, took several steps back. He watched the coughs shake his friend’s entire body. Not that that would be hard to do. Ray had practically withered away to nothing. He wasn’t overly concerned, but the coughing didn’t stop. 

After five minutes of coughing, and several worried glances exchanged between the other two, Ryan started trying to get him to talk. “Ray, what’s happening? C’mon, pull it together.” Ray only shook his head and held a hand to his mouth as a particularly strong cough forced itself through him. Ryan nearly recoiled as Ray pulled his hand away, covered in blood. “Love, talk to me, please.” He shook his shoulder lightly. 

“I’m dying.” Those were the only words that could escape his mouth before he started coughing again. 

“No, no you’re not dying.” Ryan whispered harshly. “You’re not dying here. Not when we’re this close.” 

“Make it or not it’s too late.” His breaths were coming in sharply and each one sounded painful.

“I’m not letting you die!” 

“Let go!” Ray wrenched himself away from Ryan, successfully knocking himself over. He curled up into fetal position, covering his mouth with his arm as he started coughing again. 

“Ray, we’re so close.” Ryan scooted towards the kid, wanting to hold him but afraid he’d break completely. “I’ll carry you, I don’t care! I’m not losing you, I can’t lose you.” 

The lad shook his head. “Just go.” He whispered. His breaths were getting raspier by the second. “Leave it to me…” He coughed again. “To die of pneumonia in a zombie apocalypse.”

“You’re not going to die. You promised you wouldn’t die, don’t you remember?!”

“Ryan, please…” 

“You’re not--” 

“Please!” Ray turned, just slightly, to look up at the older man. “Just go.” He flopped back as he started coughing again. “I’m dead anyway. Just let me die here.” He tried to wipe some of the blood on his hands onto the grass. “At least I’ll attract those things away from the quarantine.” Ryan was repulsed by the thought. “And now it’s fair to Michael.” Ray touched a hand to the older man’s cheek. “Go take a shower.” He cracked a small grin for just a second before falling into another fit.

_Now it’s fair to Michael._ The words hit the other Lad hard. He zoned out, staring blankly at the two and not seeing anything. He’d told himself that he was angry with Ryan. That it wasn’t fair that the two of them got to live instead of Gavin. But he’d never actually wanted one of them to die. Yet, here they were. Ray was dying. Now it was fair. He didn’t want it to be fair. Not with a price like that. 

Reality didn’t come back to him until Ryan started walking and it hit him all at once. He made the mistake of looking back at the still, tightly curled form of his friend, lying on the ground. It almost made him sick. He hadn’t seen Jack or Geoff die, and he hadn’t really been entirely there when Gavin died. He was there now though. He held a hand to his mouth and ran to catch up with Ryan. 

He didn’t stop running. He had no idea if Ryan followed him or not, but he couldn’t stop once he started. He had to get out of this hell. Jack, Gavin, Geoff, Ray. They were out here. He had to get away. The stadium was his freedom. He just had to make it there. He was breathing hard. The lack of proper nutrition was getting to him. He didn’t care. He watched the building grow in front of him until he was standing in front of it. 

He slowed to a stop at the fence that surrounded the quarantine and let out a sigh of relief when Ryan pulled up beside him a moment later. They looked up at the man that approached them from the other side of the fence. Michael watched his mouth move, presumably to question them. Ryan must’ve been answering because the gate was opened a few minutes later and they were led inside the building to a room that was pristine and bright. 

Michael was finally pulled out of his stupor by Ryan laughing almost hysterically. “What? What the fuck is wrong with you?! How are you laughing?!” 

“Look how filthy we are!” He doubled over in a fit of giggles. 

_Coping._ Michael sighed and looked around the room as a different man walked in with a clipboard. “What’s going on?” The man was looking at Ryan curiously. 

“Checkup. It’s a quarantine.” He turned to face Michael. “You guys are going to hang out here until we get an all clear.” He prepped a couple of needles and drew blood from the two. “There’s a bathroom through that door.” He pointed to the back of the room. “Shouldn’t be more than a couple of days.” 

“What if we aren’t clear?” 

“Well,” The man turned his attention to his clipboard. “I’m sure you can guess.”

~*~*~

It was dark. They’d both showered, changed clothes, and were lying quietly in bed. They’d been that way for about an hour before Michael broke the silence. “Ryan?” 

“Mm.” 

“We are clear, aren’t we?” 

“As far as I know.” 

They settled back into silence for a bit. “I’m sorry, Ryan.” 

“Yeah.” 

“For everything.” 

“What?” Ryan finally moved to roll over and prop himself up on his elbow. 

Michael just stared at the ceiling. “For fighting you the whole time.” 

“I fought you too.”

“Yeah, but--”

“It’s fine. It’s over. We’re safe now.”

“But--”

“Just go to sleep, Michael.” He rolled back over and tugged the blanket up to his neck.

After a few more moments of silence he piped up again. “Ryan?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

~*~*~

“Ray’s dead.” They’d been in the quarantine for three days. They were cleared the day before and were currently lounging around in their makeshift room. 

Michael looked up from the paper he’d been reading to glance at Ryan. “Yeah?” 

“They told me yesterday. I forgot to tell you.” Ryan was blankly staring ahead at the empty wall in front of him.

“Who told you?” He tucked the paper aside to sit up and look at his friend. 

Ryan looked up at him in confusion. “The people here?” 

“What?”

“What?” 

Michael shook his head. “Back up. Why are they telling you this? We already knew.” 

Ryan turned around to face him completely. “Where were you when we got here?” 

“What?”

“I told them he was out there. They sent out some people to go get him.” 

Michael’s face contorted in a mix of anger and confusion. “Why? What? I don’t--” He paused. “You just left him?! He was still alive?!” He shot out of his chair. 

“I thought you knew that.” Ryan subconsciously shied away. 

“You left! I assumed he was dead!”

“He is now.” 

“How could you just leave him?!” 

“You think it was easy?!” Ryan stood up finally, clenching his fists. “He wouldn’t come with me! He wouldn’t let me take him! I had to beg the people here to go get him! He’s dead now anyway, it doesn’t matter.” His voice cracked and he took a step back, hanging his head. “I thought they could fix him.” 

“Well, I guess we are even now.”


	9. A Flame That Never Dies

_Geoff Ramsey. Gavin Free. Jack Pattillo. Ray Narvaez Jr._ Michael had busied himself drawing those names into the ground beside him. He’d been doing it for days now. Anytime things got quiet and he would start to think again. _Those are my friends. They died. I’m safe. But it’s okay. Wherever they are, they’re safe too._ He would write those names and say those sentences in his head until he could go back to thinking normally. Until he relaxed.

When Ryan had finally figured out what he’d been writing and asked him about it, though, he only shrugged in response. It was just a sort of coping method. It was probably the only thing keeping him from blowing a gasket or breaking down sobbing. But he wasn’t going to tell Ryan that.

Three weeks. They’d been living at the stadium in Oakland for three weeks now. The country seemed no closer to a cure than they had been when the outbreak began. But at least they were safe. Michael was lying on the field, staring up at the sky. From there, it looked like the world was normal. That the country wasn’t going to shit and that nearly all his friends had died because of it. He was just looking at a pretty sky and laying on fake grass.

“Pennsylvania has been wiped completely off the map.” Ryan was sat beside him, reading the paper that was handed out each morning, relaying any news about the state of the country and the names of anyone that had been safely registered and admitted to a quarantine zone the day before.

“Damn.” He mumbled, closing his eyes. 

Ryan nodded and scanned down the paper. “Florida has been declared clean, though.”

“Wonder how long that’ll last.” 

“My money’s on three days.”

“I’ll give ‘em four.” 

The Gent hummed and flipped the paper, reading through a list of names. “Oh, damn! Michael!” 

He sat up and scooted over to look at the paper. “What?” 

Ryan pointed to a name on the paper. _Burns, Michael._ “You think?” 

“Keep, looking! Who was he with? Where is he?” 

“Wisconsin. I think he was with Joel, Gus and Kara?”

“Ashley, too?” 

They looked down the paper, spotting _Heyman, Joel_ and _Jenkins, Ashley._ Both in Wisconsin. “That’s got to be them.” Ryan hummed softly, finishing off the page and flipping it. 

“How’d it take them that long to get there?” 

He shrugged. “We can ask them once this is all over.” 

“Son of a bitch.” 

“Well, fine. Fuck you too.” Ryan huffed, flipping the page again. 

“That son of a bitch.” Ryan’s attention was taken away from the paper in his hands as Michael stood to his feet and darted off. “Geoff Ramsey, you son of a bitch!” 

Geoff turned at his name, just in time to be tackled to the ground. He blinked up at his attacker and grinned. “Hey buddy.” 

“Don’t you ‘hey buddy’ me!” Michael shouted, gripping Geoff’s shoulders. “I thought you were dead! We all thought you were dead! You son of a bitch, you’re not dead!” Emotions bubbled up inside the lad and all burst out at once. He let go of the older man’s shoulders and started laughing and crying at the same time. “You’re not dead.” 

Geoff sat up as Ryan caught up to them. He grabbed the other Gent by the shirt and yanked him down into a hug. “Where’s Ray?” He asked, after they broke apart, and quickly wished he hadn’t when he saw their faces fall. “What happened?” 

Ryan gave a half-hearted smile. “Ray… He never does what you’d expect of him. Went and died of pneumonia in a zombie apocalypse.” 

“What a piece of shit.” Geoff braced himself for retaliation but Ryan only laughed lightly and stood up. 

“I’m gonna go get some food. Want some?” 

“Nah, I ate.” 

Michael shook his head, watching him leave. Rubbed a few stray tears off his face and finally stood up, helping Geoff to his feet. “How?” 

“Hm?”

“How’d you do it? We barely made it here with the three of us.” _One of us didn’t even do that._

Geoff just chuckled lowly. “Zombies can kiss my ass. They’re not keeping me from my boys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So omg it's done, thanks to all you lovelies for reading this<33 Special shout out to Les Mis for giving me chapter titles so I didn't have to come up with them myself. And a thanks to the first three chapters for happening to start with the word "Geoff" thus prompting me to make every chapter start with "Geoff" and making it about three times harder sometimes. 
> 
> But, yeah, thank you all so much for reading and dealing with everything I inflicted on you guys<3


	10. The Darkest Night Will End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [insert Surprise Bitch meme here]
> 
> I decided I didn't like having nine chapters on this. It was bothering me. I also had an idea that I went a tiny bit overboard with. I apologize in advance. 
> 
> Also, this is it, guys. I promise. No more after this, the story is officially retired. It's been fun~

“Micool…?” Gavin’s voice drifted softly through the darkness. “Micool, I’m lost. Micool, would you find me please?”

Michael peered into the blackness that surrounded him. “Gav? Where are you boi?”

“I’m lost, Micool.” The Brits voice was consistently calm as it echoed it’s calls for help.

“Gavin?” Michael started running through the dark, searching for his friend.

“Find me please, Micool. I’m scared.” The Lad’s voice came from every direction.

“Gavin can you see me? Where are you?!” Michael shouted.

“I’m lost, Micool.” Suddenly, Gavin’s voice lost its calm. “Micool, they’re coming for me! Micool, find me, hurry!”

“Gavin!” He started sprinting, heart pumping in his ears, feet pounding against the ground, voice straining as he screamed for his friend. “Gavin, I’m coming!”  
  


“Micool, where are you?! Micool, they’re coming for me! Micool, they’re going to kill me!” Gavin’s voice adapted the shrill, bird-like quality he was so well known for. “Micool, where are you?!”

“I’m coming, hold on!”

“They’re killing me, Micool! Why aren’t you here?!” Gavin screeched.

Michael dug into the recesses of stored energy to work his legs even harder, desperate to save his Gavin. “No!”

Suddenly the Lad was stood in front of him. Without enough time to stop, Michael barreled right through the apparition. He slowed himself, panting as he turned around to find Gavin staring back at him. He let out a startled cry and stumbled backwards, hitting the ground. Gavin’s eyes were lifeless, his hair was matted with a dark substance he could only guess to be dried blood. His clothes were tattered, torn, and stained dark red. His head was lolled to the side and his arms hung limply next to him. His throat was ripped wide open.

“Where were you, Michael?” He asked softly. The older man just stared, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water. “They killed me. Why didn’t you save me? Where were you?!” Gavin’s voice grew louder. “I needed you! Why did you abandon me?! Why didn’t you protect me?! Don’t you care about me?! I needed you!” Gavin shot forward, hands outstretched to clamp down on Michael’s throat. “Why did you leave me to die?! _Why Michael?!_

***

Michael sat bolt upright in his bed with a cry just loud enough to cause Ryan to stir. He touched his throat with shaky hands, ignoring the tears that were falling down his face. He was breathing hard, he could tell. He didn’t care enough to stop, though.

He sucked in a shaky breath and snaked his hands up to tangle in his curls. He drew his knees up to his chest and tugged at his hair, all while letting out a high pitched keening noise. His breaths repeated as he slowly rocked himself back and forth. Slow breath in, quiet whine out. After a few minutes he began twitching, his head jerking to the side every few seconds.

Ryan rolled over in his sleep and Michael uncurled quickly, with a sharp gasp. He flung the covers off the bed, followed by the pillow. He rolled over onto his stomach and spread his limbs out as far as he could. He shoved his face into the bed, panting into the sheets. He hadn’t had an attack like this in weeks. He hadn’t had a dream about Gavin in an even longer time. He whined into the mattress before quietly calling for Ryan without lifting his head.

He had to call several times before the older man finally woke up. But Michael didn’t look up when he heard the rustling of sheets and the few footsteps it took for Ryan to clear the distance between their beds. He didn’t look up when he felt the bed sag to the side as Ryan perched himself next to him. He didn’t look up when Ryan called his name, quietly, and gently shook his shoulder.

“-- Gavin again?” Those were the only words Michael heard, but they were enough. He launched himself out of the bed and made a beeline for the door. He was stopped only a foot short when Ryan latched onto his arm, sending the Lad to his knees. “Michael, talk to me.”

“Need Geoff.” He whined, pulling against the older man.

Ryan sighed and moved to kneel in front of his friend. “Michael, you can’t go out. There’s a curfew. Why do you need Geoff?”

“Just do.” He said quickly, wringing his hands and looking around the room, wildly.

“Michael, look at me.” Ryan took the man’s face in his hands, forcing him to sit still. “What happened? Was it another dream?” Michael nodded slowly. “With Gav?” Another nod. “All right. Michael, hey. It’s okay. It’s just a dream. You’re here. You’re safe. It’s okay.”

The Lad blinked at him once before diving into Ryan’s arms and burying his face in his chest. They sat like that for a long while, Michael trying to muffle his sobs in Ryan’s shirt, Ryan rubbing calming circles into Michael’s back. Eventually the kid cried himself back to sleep and was lovingly tucked back into bed.

Ryan sat back on his own bed and tucked his legs underneath himself, watching the younger sleep. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He never got back to sleep that night.

~*~*~

Six months after the little group made it to the quarantine zone they were shipped out. In order to make room for more people, no one was allowed to stay in the quarantine for more than six months unless medical problems would make a move impossible. Ryan and Michael were in the group that was to be sent to the UK. After a bit of gentle persuasion, Geoff was allowed to join the group too. They’d been given a final check-up and were stuffed onto a small plane with thirty or so other people.

Michael had fought and resisted the entire time. The last place he wanted to be was in an entire country full of people who had accents similar to Gavin’s. Ryan had tried several times to get their destination changed but it never worked. There was nothing to be done about it.

So there they were, thousands of miles away from home, in the middle of a supermarket, watching Michael as he broke down on the floor while a very concerned looking employee tried to apologize for asking the man if he’d needed any help.

“Michael, get up please, it’s okay.” Ryan whispered, trying to pry the Lad’s hands away from his ears as Geoff awkwardly reassured the worker that she hadn’t done anything wrong. “Michael, we’ll take you back home, you’ll be fine.”

“It’s not home. I’m not home.” He pressed his hands tighter against the sides of his head. “I’m never going home.”

Ryan shook his shoulder, gently. “Michael, it’s okay.”

“Make him stop.” He whimpered, leaning into Ryan’s touch.

“What? Make who stop?”

“Gavin won’t stop talking. Make him stop. Ryan, please!” Michael trembled, crossing his legs and bending over, practically touching his head to the floor.

Ryan placed his hand on his friend’s back and looked up to the oldest man. “Geoff, we’ve got to get him out of here. He’s not ready.”

“Gavin, please! I’m sorry!”

“There’s too many people here. He can’t handle it.”

“I’m sorry! Please, _leave me alone!”_

Ryan wrapped his arms around the younger, lifting him to his feet. With Geoff supporting him from the other side, they stumbled their way out of the store, earning several confused or even disgusted glances from other customers. They stuffed him into the backseat of the car, leaving him to curl up against the window and scream at Gavin some more.

Geoff climbed into the driver side and slammed the door with far more force than was actually necessary. He barely let Ryan close the passenger door before he peeled out into traffic, white-knuckling the steering wheel. He nearly swerved off the road or into other cars several times, thanks to Michael’s outbursts, but he got them to their temp home in record time anyway.

For hours Michael sat in the front room of the tiny home, whimpering and whining and pleading with Gavin to leave him alone. Ryan sat next to him, gently trying to coax him back into reality and to calm him down when his breathing got too erratic or his cries got too loud. Geoff, however, shut himself away in one of the bedrooms, sticking his face in his phone and not coming back out. He did his absolute best to shut up the noises that easily broke through the paper thin walls that separated him from the other two. He wanted it to stop. But when they did, his concern grew.

He waited about five minutes, expecting the pleas to start back up any second. When they didn’t, he quietly wandered out to the front room. Ryan was sitting on his heels, several feet away from Michael, who had backed himself into a corner. With the most intense look of terror Geoff had ever seen on a single person, Michael was staring past Ryan. His knees were pulled to his chest and his jaw was clamped shut, just staring.

“Ryan…?” Geoff tried, cautiously. He blinked in surprise when Ryan turned to face him, one cheek scratched painfully deep and bleeding. “Did he--”

“He didn’t mean to. I’m fine.” Ryan said quickly.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. He just shut up. I tried to get him out of the corner and he did this.” He gestured towards his face. “He hasn’t made a sound since.”

~*~*~

After one week of being in England, Michael’s nightmares picked up again. He stopped sleeping.

After two, he would work himself up so much that he could never keep food down.

After three, anxiety attacks were all but second nature to him.

After a month of being in England, he started hallucinating vividly. Gavin was everywhere. He hid in corners and in shadows. Even when he didn’t see him, he could hear him. He could hear Gavin constantly blaming him for his death. Constantly telling him it could’ve been prevented if only Michael had protected him like he was supposed to. Constantly telling him which of them really deserved to live.

After five weeks of being in England, Michael disappeared.

~*~*~

_Was it… Oxford…? Or Oxfordshire? Are those different places?_ Michael staggered along the pavements of Oxford. Hopping a bus and escaping London had been surprisingly easy tasks for a disillusioned young man. Finding Gavin in the entire city of Oxford, though? That was a bit more challenging. Of course, he did have his shadow Gavin, but he was no help at all. All he ever did was blame Michael and yell at him. He just wanted to find real Gavin.

He’d been stopped many times by concerned strangers, asking him if he was drunk and if he needed a ride home. Christ, he wished he was drunk. He couldn’t keep anything down but crackers and water at this point though.

“Look, lady!” He glared at a middle-aged woman who had just offered to call him a cab. “I’m not drunk! I’m just looking for my stupid friend, okay?!” He watched the woman scurry off. He was about to start walking again when a voice from behind him made him jump.

“Michael Jones?” He whipped around, ready to stare threateningly at whoever dared approach him. It took several seconds for his mind to register who it was, but he immediately relaxed once he did.

“Dan?” He took a step forward and froze.

_Look what you’ve done to him._ Gavin’s voice rang in his ears. _I was his best friend. You let me die. He knows._ Dan’s mouth moved but whatever words he’d said didn’t reach Michael. _He hates you. I’d run. He was in the army, you know._ He hesitated for just a moment before spinning around and darting away from the man.

“Michael! Michael wait!” Dan shouted, taking off after him. It wasn’t hard to catch him as Michael was out of breath within minutes and was on the brink of passing out. Dan grabbed his arm, holding him still as he tried to pull away.

“I’m sorry!” Michael panted. “Stop, please, I’m sorry.”

“What the bloody hell is going on? What are you doing here? Michael, for God’s sake stop fighting me.” Dan shook his head.

“I didn’t mean to kill him.” The Lad turned to face him, tears stinging his eyes. _He doesn’t believe you._ “Please don’t hurt me.”

“What? Why would I hurt you? Kill who?”

“Gavin! I’ve… I’ve gotta find him…” Michael turned around, gazing off.

Dan grabbed onto his other arm, turning the man to face him again. “Back up. What happened to Gavin?”

“I killed him.”

“That’s not what the report said.”

“I let him die. I gotta find him.”

“Find who?”

“Gavin.”

Dan shook his head. “What?”

Michael looked up at him, absently. “If I can find Gavin, I can get rid of Gavin.”

“Okay.” He pursed his lips. “Run that by me one more time?”

“Real Gavin can get rid of Shadow Gavin and I don’t like Shadow Gavin.” He winced as the voice yelled at him again.

“Right. Okay.” Dan let go of one arm and started walking, pulling Michael along with him. “You’re coming with me. I’m gonna call Geoff, and we’re gonna figure out what to do.”

~*~*~

“You’re sure this is okay?” Dan turned to Michael, who had one hand pressed against his ear, half trying to listen and half trying to shut out the aggressive yelling coming from Gavin. The Lad nodded slowly and Dan pushed open the door to the Free household.

Gavin’s family had been entirely cleared out, Dan had paid for them all to go to dinner while he tried to get Michael back in touch with reality. This was their last ditch effort, and he and Ryan had discussed possible benefits and repercussions extensively.

Michael slowly wandered into the house, staring at the walls and furniture curiously. For once, Gavin had shut up inside his head. It felt bizarre and he wasn’t sure why.  Even if all he’d been doing was yelling at him, he was still hearing Gavin’s voice. He missed it.

“Gav’s room is upstairs on the right.” Dan said softly, gesturing to the staircase in the middle of the home.

Michael nodded and staggered to the bottom of the flight and stared up at it for several moments before picking his way up. His hands brushed along the walls, taking in the coolness of them. It almost seemed too quiet without the voice constantly belittling him.

There was one closed door at the top of the stairs, just on the right, as if closing the door could preserve Gavin and his memories. Once again, he hesitated for just a moment before pushing the door open. That was a mistake.

All at once Gavin started screeching at him again. Telling him he was horrible. Telling him he was worthless. That he had deserved to die instead. Michael stumbled backwards, hitting the opposite wall and sliding down until he hit the ground with a thud.

_Look at all of this! This was mine! Why are you here?! Are you going to take these from me too, Michael?! What are you doing?!_

Dan was shouting something at him that he didn’t hear. He flipped onto his hands and knees, crawling towards the room, breathing heavily.

_Stop it! Leave me alone, Michael! Haven’t you done enough?! Leave me alone!_

He latched onto the quilt hanging off the the bed and buried his face in it, taking in a deep breath. For the first time since he’d lost him, he could smell Gavin’s scent again. Gavin didn’t stop talking to him though, but his voice changed. He stopped yelling at him. He was quiet. Gentle. And he only said four words that repeated over and over in his head like a broken record that he never wanted to stop playing.

_It wasn’t your fault._

~*~*~

After six weeks of being in England, Michael was gone.

With Gavin shut up inside his head, Michael did anything he could to get him back. Playing his games, reading his books, messing with his things. He tried talking to him, sitting in the corner of the room and quietly mumbling about how much he missed him. Anything to get Gavin to talk again. Even if it was just yelling at him and telling him he was worthless.

For a week straight, he had himself shut away in Gavin’s room, much to the concern of the Free’s. He never came out to eat. Never came out when Ryan and Geoff showed up and tried to coax him out. He only came out when he was certain no one was around to catch him in the short stint from the room to the bathroom. Occasionally Mrs. Free would slide a little snack of some sort under the crack in the door, though she never knew whether Michael ate them or just collected them.  At least, not for the first five days.

Like she had done every night for the past few days, she grabbed a small granola bar and slid it under the door to Gavin’s room. This time, though, as she turned to walk away, the door slowly opened. She turned back around to see Michael, red eyed and messy haired, standing in the doorway.

“Mrs. Free…” His voice was strained and cracking.

“Michael.” She answered, tentatively. The two stared at each other for a moment before he dropped his head. Just a second later his shoulders started shaking. “Oh, Michael, no.” She stepped forward to grab onto his shoulders and then quickly wrap him in a hug that he instantly reciprocated.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault, love.” She pulled back to look at him, still holding onto his shoulders. “It wasn’t your fault, I know.”

He hastily brushed at the tears streaking down his face. “I loved him.”

“I know, Michael.” She pulled him back into the hug, standing there for the longest time, just letting him cry.

Finally, though, the choked sobs died down and he pulled away, rubbing at his face. He backed into the room, nodding when she asked if he was okay. The door was nearly shut when he thought better of it and creaked it back open a bit. “Mrs. Free?” She hummed quietly in response. “Thank you for the snacks.”

~*~*~

It was three in the morning when Dan was slowly woken up by his text alert. He rolled over and fumbled for his phone, groaning and muttering profanities.

Mrs. Free: Is Michael with you?

_Oh no_.

Dan Gruchy: No, is he not with you?

Mrs. Free: I’ve checked everywhere.

Dan Gruchy: I’ll go find him. Don’t worry.

He shot out of bed, not at all as calm as his texts would imply. He tugged on some proper clothes and darted out to his car, shooting Ryan a text as he whipped out of the driveway. He had no idea where he was headed and wracked his brain for any place Gavin may have taken him. He couldn’t recall Michael having ever even been to England though.

He checked any open bars in the area. Then any place open that might have possibly sold any sort of alcohol. Any drug store open that sold any sort of medicine that had alcohol in it. He was running out of ideas.

After trudging out of the last store he’d had any hope in he slouched down in the driver’s seat of his car, head in his hands. Michael was too unbalanced to be out on his own. Sure he’d gotten better in the past week, but now he was out of Gavin’s room. He had no idea how he would respond to that. He could hurt himself or someone else or-- “No.”

He shot to attention, tires squealing as he peeled out of the parking lot. “No, no, no, Christ, no. Please, no, no.” The word just kept falling out of his mouth in a desperate prayer to any deity that could’ve had any powers of intervention. He was practically running on autopilot as he steered the car in the direction of the Thames.

“Geoff’s gonna murder me. I’m going to actually die.” He zipped onto the bridge, prayers for his own safety now mixing with those of Michaels. He’s been so preoccupied with his pleas that he’d nearly missed the man standing on the edge of the bridge as his headlights briefly fell on him. He slammed on the brakes, and ripped the keys out of the ignition.

“Michael!” He shouted before his mind could catch up to his tongue. The other man didn’t move, he just stared out at the water. Dan cautiously padded up to him, reaching out a hand. “Michael.”

The lad turned to look at him this time. “I’ve been waiting for you to find me.”

“What’s going on?”

“I miss him.” He answered softly, turning back to the water.

“I know.” This was something he’d never encountered before. He had no idea how to handle this, but he was doing the best he could. “But you’ve got Ryan and Geoff.”

Michael just shook his head. “He stopped talking to me.”

“Ryan?”  The lad shook his head. “Gavin?”

“Yeah.” He hummed. “I think he misses me too. I love him an awful lot. I just wanna be with him again.”

“Michael--”

“And since he can’t come to me…”

“Michael, stop.”

“I have to go to him.” The Lad turned to look at him. “Don’t worry, Dan. I’ll tell him you said hi.” He grinned.

“Michael, you’re sick. We need to get you some help.” He reached out to touch the other man’s shoulder.

He stepped away from the touch but smiled gently. “Could you tell Ryan that I’m sorry it isn’t fair anymore?”

“Michael, no, wait!” He was just a moment too late. The older man stepped off the bridge and let gravity take over. Dan stared after him for a moment before giving a small cry and stumbling backwards, clasping his hands over his ears and dropping to the ground, refusing to see or hear what happened next. _He jumped. He really really jumped. Oh god. What’s Ryan going to say? What’s Geoff going to say?!_ He tangled his hands in his hair, breathing hard. _I was supposed to fix him. Not drive him over the edge, fucking Christ._

 _ **  
**_ He stayed that way for a good while, bathed in the red of his car’s taillights. Eventually, though, he uncurled, calmed down enough to fumble his phone from his pockets. By some miracle of God, his hands stopped shaking long enough for him to dial Ryan who picked up on the second ring. He didn’t give the Gent an opening to talk though before he quietly spoke. “He’s sorry it isn’t fair anymore.”


End file.
